Fedore Writer

There’s no better lesson than witnessing people dying to create a sense of urgency to clean out clutter in closets and drawers and to plan for death. Four people: my aunt, a family friend of fifty years, my mother, and my uncle died in close succession. In the span of approximately four months, I witnessed people facing imminent death, and then dying with a range of responses, including faith, grace, despondency, and acceptance.

Our Clutter, Not Theirs

Clearing out closets and clutter is self-explanatory. It’s creating a sense of urgency that’s so challenging. Writing this blog has helped because I don’t want to post an online confession that I haven’t done a thing. My sister and I scheduled an electronics drop-off and have fulfilled this task. No one else should have to deal with my defunct cell phone, laptop and random tech collection. And the bonus of taking care of this is providing resources to an organization that repurposes obsolete technology. In addition, my dad and I have scheduled a dump run, so now we need to gather items we want to discard. Coordinating with my dad has made us both accountable.

Go With NL Instead of NN

Shortly after inurning our mother, my sister and I began making arrangements for after-death services, which felt weird considering we’re both in good health. We bought a niche next to our parents’ and have paid for our cremation and other expenses as well. The incentive to purchase this summer was to make sure we reserved the spot next to our parents. In addition, costs increase over time, so it was best to secure a “plot” or niche earlier rather than paying more later.

When we were completing purchasing forms with the funeral home representative, I noticed the acronyms NL and NN. I correctly guessed that NL means needs later and you can guess what NN means. It’s Needs now, which is more expensive. With the NL option, not only will you save money, but you’ll also save your family members the stress of having to make decisions on your behalf. Our parents bought their niche back in 2015 and when it came time to arrange our mother’s cremation and inurnment, all our dad had to do was sign official documents. The ease of his experience was a convincing testimonial for us to act now.

You’re going to want to be of sound mind and body to cope with the barrage of options, including placards depicting fancy urns and coffins, commemorative items like medallions and blown glass globes, and types of graveside and memorial services. It was overwhelming, even under proactive circumstances.

Fire Evacuation Makes Us Face Possible Loss

Many Lakewood locals received a text telling us a fire was burning at a nearby forested park and to prepare to evacuate, if needed. We received this text on August 16, just eight days after the Maui wildfire, where my niece and her fiancée, and friends, Nancy and John, live.

My niece and her fiancée safely evacuated but unfortunately lost their home and its contents. My friends, Nancy and John’s, condo escaped fire damage as the danger raged less than a football field’s length away.

What would we pack if we had to evacuate? Deciding this following an evacuation warning is not the time to think clearly. My sister was at her daughter and son-in-law’s house closer to the park, taking care of her nine-year-old grandson. When police knocked on their door urging them to evacuate, my sister’s grandson said they had to take the four dogs (two were hers and two her grandson’s), his hamster, and, lastly, his iPad.

Two fires and evacuations in eight days? AND four funerals? The Universe is trying to tell us something and it sounds a lot like “don’t procrastinate” and “prepare.”

Within a few hours, the forested park fire was contained, and people were able to return to their homes. They were luckier than Maui residents, yet still received an important lesson on focusing on what’s important (even if it’s a grandchild’s need to save his iPad). Always be ready for a crisis.

I recently spoke with my friend, Nancy, and she said they have a box ready with necessary supplies. We discussed what I would do with irreplaceable items that I don’t want to keep in a box all the time, such as a family Bible sitting in a bookcase and artwork on the walls, priceless items our mom had given to my sister and me. Nancy suggested making a list of what to take. We also discussed protecting important documents, such as titles to cars and home, passports, and last will and testaments. She mentioned that she vows to always have at least a half-a-tank of gas in her car. Imagine running on empty but having to drive to the other side of the island to get gas.

Funerals and Disasters Remind Us to Stay Connected

While social media has its ills (and I know this from having worked in schools), Facebook was helpful during a time of crisis. Legitimate posts allowed friends and family to confirm the safety of people they love, when WiFi and cell towers were spotty or unavailable. In the case of Nancy and John, Facebook friends were able to post updates based on word of mouth, a single phone call, or text that got through the limited WiFi and cell signals.

This is a reminder to check in with friends and family to make sure we have updated contact information. And staying connected isn’t just about being prepared for a crisis. Friendships and family are part of our values. When WiFi and cell signals aren’t available? We need to check on people we care about in person, when possible.

Act, starting today.

Safely share PINS and passwords with a trusted person who will store them in a secure place. A close friend had to pay her deceased mother’s cell bill for at least an extra month because a PIN (or an act of Congress) was required to close the account.

This blog touches just the surface of what it takes to be prepared for a crisis. Go to FEMA’s guide or research another option for preparation lists and suggestions. Let’s not wait another day. We never know when we’ll receive an evacuation notice or, dare I say it, when we’ll die.