Fedore Writer

Is it better to let gossip die down or fight back with fierceness? This is a question school administrators, counselors, students, and parents ponder when unkind comments are made. Fortunately, in the schools where I’d most recently worked, responding with fierceness seldom translated into a physical fight.

Fierceness doesn’t have to be aggressive or intense to be effective. When advising and brainstorming with students, I’d always viewed fierceness to be internal, like a staunch protector of self. Like a student’s identity remaining unshakeable, no matter what others said about them.

Now that the question about gossip is the tagline for my debut novel, Pigs and Flakes, I’ve been asking this open-ended question at events, including at a recent book talk, a book signing mid-month, and a young author’s conference.

People had a lot to say about responding with fierceness. Many said their reaction depended on the situation and some cited truth as the guiding principle. For example, David said, “The best and only place to stand is on truth.” Kendare and Kathy echoed this. “Speaking the truth is always fierce” and “If you strike back in the name of truth and justice, be fierce!” Staci’s response was similar as well. “It’s best to see first if the gossip actually ‘dies down.’ Sometimes it does and sometimes it gets worse. If it continues, fighting back with truth is our only option.”

Like truth, a theme of justice came through respondents’ words, such as Rachel’s claim that she would “strike if it’s for human rights.”  Jennifer agreed. “If it’s hurtful, nasty, damaging? I probably would strike back—but that doesn’t have to mean being mean back!” Debbie echoed this reaction, saying, “More often than not, I tend to strike back especially if gossip is hurting another person without any real evidence.”

Some book event attendees differentiated between their role as a parent and an individual. “While I still tend to strike back, I do like to let things die down and have tried to teach a good balance to my children,” Dan said. Shannon stated, “I would tell my kids to let it go, but I would say something if in person. Online? Let it go.”

With the wisdom of Yoda, two eighth graders had this to say:

“To let the gossip die down, you must endure it. To strike back, you save yourself from any further pain. Either could work, but you must search yourself and choose your fights wisely.”

“My mom and I were just talking about this yesterday! Die down because there is an 80 percent chance of it blowing up in your face.”

In Pigs and Flakes, 16-year-old Gabby escapes the haters by leaving the U.S. and begins working on her uncle’s farm in England. As she ponders whether to remain in England despite tough love and manure, she feels like the comments back in the U.S. are like wasp stings and that “the swelling needs to dissipate, the sting needs to fade,” and she needs to not care about it as much as she does.

Exhibit for our thoughts

It seems that gossip is on the minds of others, because the Tacoma Art Museum currently features an exhibit that explores how “gossip has functioned as a vital conduit for knowledge transmission, memory-making, and community building.”

As a former school principal, I don’t entirely share the museum’s perception that gossip is vital, but perhaps after I peruse the exhibit, I’ll change my mind.

Check it out at https://www.tacomaartmuseum.org/exhibit/gossip-between-us/ for more information about the gossip exhibit.

Consider setting a goal that, in the next week, you’ll ask the tagline-question of yourself, and someone/people close to you about your preferred way of responding to gossip.

Click here for information about Pigs and Flakes, including book club questions, which might spark an interesting conversation. I’d love to hear about your conversations.